In an earlier post, I rambled on and on about wondering who I’d be if I didn’t have MHE. I guess I will never know if I would be a completely different person, but I do know something: it would be a lot easier.

Yesterday, I went to the mall. I had some last minute Christmas shopping to do. After spending not even 3 hours wondering around with my friends shopping for the people on my list, my legs were killing me. It hurt so much to take each step, and my legs felt as if they both seperately weighed over a hundred pounds each.

I didn’t feel like I could share my pains with the people I was with because I didn’t really honestly think they would understand. When my boyfriend showed up to do his Christmas shopping, I knew that he would be quicker. Basically in and out – he hates malls. So I decided to leave the people I was with after telling them I was going to help him shop.

Now I’m in a fight with my best friend. All because communication lines are fuzzy. I can’t explain myself in words to the people I’m talking to. Blogging about things is easier because I’m not talking to one direct person. I’m writing stuff down and people are reading it after I’ve published it. I find it easier to chat with people online then to talk with them on the phone, which is why I hardly call anyone. There’s something about the keyboard that makes me feel free – so to speak. I’m able to explain what’s going on a little better, instead of talking to someone about it.

Anyway, I left the mall because I didn’t want to push myself anymore. I knew that if I were to spend another hour there walking around and standing in huge lineups, I would seriously regret it in the morning. It didn’t help that it was damp and raining outside – two things that are not good for my legs at all. I know my body, and I know when to call it quits for the day.

If I had the opportunity to change one thing about MHE I would change the pain part. Not only is it painful, but it’s annoying to myself and everyone else around me. It holds me back from doing simple tasks such as Christmas shopping. It makes little things more difficult. It’s the worst part of MHE, because it’s always there. Both physically and emotionally.