I don’t have classes until 1pm, but I woke up after getting a phone call from my boyfriend (he just wanted to say hi before he went to school) and now I can’t get back to sleep. I’m restless. I suppose it doesn’t help that there is background noise – my landlord runs a day care during the day – normally I’m not affected by it, but today I am.

Luckily for the most part I’ve been getting a good night’s sleep each night. My bed is comfortable, possibly more comfortable then the one at home for some reason. I don’t know why, considering my mattress at home has a pillow top (which is a really comfy extra piece on top) and this bed doesn’t (and if it does it isn’t as thick). Oh well, I’m not one to complain if comfortable!

My computer chair is far from comfortable though. It’s making my upper legs and bum ache. I’m feeling that bone under my left leg coming in again, which sucks because when I had it removed last time I lost a lot of blood. I don’t want to loose anymore, and it’s in such an awkward position that it made sitting and lying down painful (since it’s on the back).

I can remember my doctor’s words when I first met him. “Oh you are done growing, so you probably won’t need anymore surgeries!” Pfff. That’s just wishful thinking on both sides. I would like to be able to say I don’t need anymore surgeries, but I hate discomfort and being in more pain then I usually am, so I would take the surgery to lessen that pain and find a little bit more comfort.

Sometimes I fear that I complain too much. When I was at Sick Kids, I worried that my doctor thought of me as a whiner, not brave at all. I’m not claiming to be brave or anything, but I definitely don’t want to be a complainer in people’s eyes. So for the most part, I clench my teeth and bare it instead of making a doctors appointment to deal with my thousands of complaints and concerns. My new doctor didn’t seem to keen on talking about future possibilities for surgeries, so it’s going to be harder with him.

Plus it’ll be harder with myself. Trying to convince myself to actually book a surgery, that is. New Doctor is, well, new to me. He’s never preformed a surgery on me or even ordered x-rays. Granted, I’ve only had one visit, but still. What’s new is scary and unfamiliar.

I also don’t want to slow myself down in college. I made a slight pack with myself that I would hold off on surgeries and even complaining until after I graduated from my two year program. It can’t be that hard, I just hope my body will cooperate. Sometimes it doesn’t, but I really don’t want to miss any time. I’m trying to go for “perfect attendance”.

My MHE has always been an awkward subject with new people I meet too. They tend to ask a question that would spark the need to explain my medical disability, such as “why do you walk that way?”. Once I accidentally roped myself into having to explain when the girl asked me if I received any bursaries yet. Without thinking, I told her that one I got at commencement… the Heather Rebeka Lodge award, which was awarded to me for overcoming challenges and completing my high school education and going on to attend college. She wanted to know what challenges I overcame, so I told her about being short 2 credits due to circumstances and working extremely hard in my final year to be able to graduate with my classmates. Again, she wanted to know what circumstances they were, and again I told her about my two surgeries months after each other.

Anyways, I’m still making slow progress being 100% comfortable and sure of myself. I don’t know if it’s just my personality that causes me to be this insecure, but it’s slightly annoying.

I have to go finish the summary for chapter one now, and I suppose I should have did the summary for chapter two as well in Introduction to Psychology.

I am deeply sorry that I’ve failed to update my blog lately. It’s far from abandoned! I have just been super busy! The last week of August I was away at a residential camp with the recreational group for the developmentally handicapped that I worked at. The week was long and although it was fun, it drained my energy fast. It didn’t help that it rained almost every other day. The weather was damp. My bones ached the entire time. Luckily I was in a cabin with electricity and I was able to steal the electric heat blanket from the nurses cabin during cabin time.

It was my third time being at that particular camp with the members of the recreational group. Only this time, I had far more responsibility. I was the summer student and the cabin leader of my cabin. Not only did I have to run events and activities each day and ensure that everyone was having fun and doing their parts, but I also hosted most of the cabin troubles on my shoulders. On Monday, three of our volunteers left so it was just myself and one volunteer in a cabin with four members. We made out well enough; our members had fun and got the care they needed, but it was still stressful.

Although there were a lot of funny camp moments, when home time came I was relieved. It was such a long, stressful week for me and I couldn’t wait to drop my title of authority and relax. Of course it couldn’t be easy, the 7 hour bus ride was even more long what with all the things that just had to go wrong. For instance, bus #3 broke down 20 minutes after we left camp. We had to squish all of the people onto the other two buses, and it was a tight fit.

After I got home, I barely had time to relax. The next day I had to go into work one more time before leaving for school to do my evaluation on how I did this summer. It went pretty well, I think I have a job next summer – if I want it. I’m not too sure though, the truth is that this summer was really hard on me – physically and emotionally. I let the stress of the office problems get to me, and that didn’t help the physical stress my body was under. Camping 3 weekends in a row was hell on my bones; I don’t think I’ve recovered yet.

The very next day (the 1st) I went to the annual summer birthday party celebration (this year at my grandparents house). I visited with my family from out of town for a while, then decided to steal one more weekend at my boyfriend’s trailer, since I knew I wouldn’t get the chance to when school started. On the 2nd I moved the rest of my stuff into the apartment, and then on the 3rd at 9pm I officially moved in to the basement apartment that I’ve rented out for the school year.

The 4th was my “first” day of college, but not really considering it was just an orientation where they held a couple seminars like Essential Services, meeting your Student Adviser, and learning how to use the student email portal. Things weren’t really exciting until the 2nd day of actual classes, when I started to make friends.

I take the bus to the college everyday, and I walk around the school carrying a pretty heavy bag. My shoulders ache and my back aches, so does my legs from walking around so much. I don’t want to push around a trolley, considering there are so many stairs and it wouldn’t really help out at all. Those book bags with wheels only cause more problems when you aren’t wheeling them around because they weigh more. Needless to say, I’m not too sure what I can do. Lugging home 5 textbooks and my binders doesn’t help either, and it’s not like I can have 2 sets of textbooks like I did in high school, college text books cost a lot of money.

If anybody has any suggestions for me, feel free to say them. It’s only week 2 of college and I’m exhausted already; we’ve barely started our work load! The current work load is good, all I really have to do is read chapters of the text books so I actually know what’s going on in the lectures.

I also have switched to Aboriginal Emphasis, so my schedule is going to change around ever so slightly. I’m pretty excited about it actually, Aboriginal culture has always interested me. Next weekend a local reserve is having this huge Pow Wow and inviting anyone interested in going to it, the theme is Healing Through Laughter. I’m going with a couple of people from my program.

And that is what’s new in the life of me. I’m still trying to settle into college life and draw a line between school work and play time (because everyone knows you need play time in college or you’ll snap). I so far love my program and the people I’ve met are all cool and interesting in their own ways. My physical pain isn’t holding me back too much at the moment (knock on wood) but we’ll see as time goes on. I should probably start intervening anyway and making changes to the things I’m doing wrong (such as carrying around such a heavy bag load and walking around too much) but thus far I’ve been unable to solve my own problems (since I need everything I’m carrying around and I can’t have them move classes just for my convince).

But I’m liking it, and that’s the important thing!

I apologize for not updating this blog in almost a month, I promise I will start posting more things after summer. I’ve been quite busy with work, and a number of things have happened since my last post.

• Clearly, I made it through the rest of the camping weekends. The last weekend was by far my favourite; it went swell and I had a lot of fun. I was able to relate more to my co-workers and let loose a little and relax (for the most part, it’s in my nature to stress myself out).
• On August 17th in the evening I will be moving most of my possessions to the apartment. On September 3rd I will be moving myself into the apartment, along with a weeks worth of food.
• The Family Night for our members and their families went swell! The turn out was wonderful and we even left with some extra money! A couple of people wanted to see two of the board members dunked in the dunk tank, and they paid $100! I chatted with a bunch of families and generally had a good time, although I was exhausted by the end of the night and had quite the headache thanks to the loud music and all the conversation!
• I was going to model. My sister, Kate, found a modeling agency called C&A Talent Agency and had her photo shoot a couple weeks ago. One of the agents convinced me I should model too; she said that my medical disability would not affect my turn over of jobs. I was to have my first photo shoot on August 20th, after my doctors appointment. However, I recently changed my mind. Modeling is not and has never been my thing. I can’t see myself doing it, especially now. I’m low on money and I will be moving away so I will undoubtedly miss auditions due to distance.
• I’ve decided on my camp costume. This years theme is Superheros, and I’m going to be The Green Countenance; my made up heroine who fights evil. I haven’t decided on her superpower yet, I’ll figure that out when I have the time. Elektra and for one day, Sailor Mars. The other female summer students are also being Sailor Moon people, so it should be mildly entertaining.
• Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer has been ordered for me by my lovely cousin, Karen! I recommend her other two books, Twilight and New Moon, to anybody who enjoys reading! Stephenie Meyer is by far one of my favourite authors.
• I read and finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling within two days of receiving it. It was amazing! I loved it! Now I’m depressed though, as it was the end of the Harry Potter series! Now what will I wait for eagerly each year? The crappy movies? Ok the movies aren’t that bad but I like the books way more!
• As I briefly mentioned above, August 20th I have an appointment with my new doctor. I’m nervous about meeting him, but it has to be done. Especially before school starts!
• I met with a college counselor and was able to set up a couple of much needed things to make my days go smoother; I will have a note-taker so I don’t need to take my own notes (writing for long periods of time hurts me) and I will have extended time on my exams if need be. Since it’s college, they don’t care if you leave early, so long as you do so discreetly.

There are only three more weeks of summer! The last week of August I will be away for the week long camp, and then on the 1st of September I have to go to Kings Cross Station to catch the Hogwarts Express my grandparent’s house for a family party, then I will move on the 3rd. It’s going to be a very busy and hectic time for me! Luckily I have the essentials set up; I have most of the kitchen supplies I need, all my bedroom things (except for the mattress topper which I’ll be picking up sometime this week) and my phone line is set up to be activated on September 3rd. The major things have been dealt with, so I’m not too anxious about it. I do have to get my bus pass though before the 4th – when I start my classes.

So my high school graduation ceremony was last night. I have to say it went beautifully. It was really nerve racking coming outside to see several bleachers full of friends, family and teachers. I almost died. I was fully able to picture myself falling flat on my face. Luckily, I didn’t.

I was deeply embarrassed halfway through the award part of the ceremony because I realized I wasn’t going to get an award. The few that I thought I would get ended up going to other people. So I stopped listening to the awards, and then guess what? I was called up to accept the Heather Rebeka Lodge Award that is awarded to a graduate student who worked hard and will be attending college in the fall despite obstacles. The obstacles they were talking about was the two surgeries I had last year that put me behind my classmates. Had I not taken co-op, I would be short two credits and I would not have graduated. Thanks to co-op, I was able to earn 2 extra credits and graduate with my classmates. I was award $200 which I put in the bank today.

Unfortunately thanks to co-oping all day, I missed out on having a social life. Most of my classmates enjoyed their last year of high school by attending several parties, going to school functions and just enjoying the high school life. I missed out on that. I was busy working. I missed out on one of the classmates finding a mouse in their pants, I missed out on several awesome get-togethers. I didn’t go prom camping, and I didn’t go to any of the Blue Jays games the popular kids put together because I wasn’t sure if I would feel weird or not.

The class valedictorian made me think about all the stuff I missed out on by giving her beautiful speech. I now feel guilty for assuming I would have a horrible year way back in September, because I could have made it better. Instead of making time for my old friends, I accepted the fact that they had changed. Ya, maybe a couple of them changed for the worst but I still could have joined in on the antics every once in a while. I could have made the new people to my old circle of friends feel included, I should have made my own friendships with them instead of assuming I had been replaced in that circle of friends. I should have skipped more classes, laughed more, attended more parties, gone to more school dances, and enjoyed it while I still could.

I sat through the Graduating Class Slideshow a bunch of people put together and almost started to cry. I missed out on knowing a lot of people. I was only in the slideshow twice myself, and I could have been in there more. Had I given myself the chance to fit in. I suppose you could say that I decided I was above silly high school antics, and in believing so I missed out on what could have been a really fun time of my life.

But that chapter of my life is over now, I have accepted my diploma from high school and in the fall I will be attending college. I’ve got everything set up; the cheques in the mail to secure my spot in the Social Service Worker Program and my first and last months rent has been paid for my apartment. I’ll be attending a Welcome Day in late July, and I’ll bring in all the stuff I need to get set up with Disability Services.

The tuition payment was supposed to be due today, but yesterday my dad and I drove up the college to explain our situation. The money had not come in yet; we were still waiting for the government to release it. They understood, and have given me until Friday of next week. Luckily, the money came in yesterday evening and the college will definietly have it by next Friday. My mom is planning on running it up Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday).

So everyone, I am no longer a high school student.

The sun is shining, and its really warm out. The perfect day to get started on the garden or other outdoor chores – although I won’t. I’ve never really had a green thumb. I tried for a while there, when I was about 6 or something and my Papa dug me a garden in the back yard. Pulling out weeds frustrated me though because it seemed like the very next day they were back again.

In any case, my legs are very pleased that the weather is getting warmer. Winter didn’t really treat me so grand, and yesterday I found myself in a lot of discomfort and pain because it was damp and raining out. The car ride up to the college had been rather long for me, because I felt so uncomfortable in the back seat – even though I tried to spread myself out a bit. So I’m happy for the break from rain and dampness, and I plan on taking advantage of this break by maybe reading on the back porch. Or at least opening all the windows in the house.

I recently got my mom into blogging, just because I think it would be good for her. I should make a pillow or something that says “blogging is good for the soul”. Anyway, she seems to really like it so that’s good. I hope she doesn’t discredit me and admit what a horrible suck I really am! I also tried talking my friend Mandy into getting a blog, and she says she’s going to update it when she has more time. Maybe she’ll write a bit about MHE too, so keep an eye out for her. I know she hasn’t updated it yet, but I expect good things from her; she’s also a fan of writing.

I’ve recently been emailing another girl my age with MHE, Meaghann. We have a lot in common too, which is odd. She too loves to write and keeps a blog (which is not as often updated as mine, but I don’t have any other hobbies heh). So I was happy to find out that someone else shares the same hobby as myself; updating blogs.

The future is still unclear on if I’ll be going to the MHE Gathering or not. I still haven’t heard if I got the Sunrise summer student job yet. If I did, then I won’t be attending this year because I’ll have to work that weekend. It sucks how one of the camping weekends that as I summer student I would have to attend falls on the weekend of the MHE Gathering, especially since my dad said I could go this year. I really do need the job though, so if I get it I can’t complain or beg for it off. $10.50 an hour would really help me out, especially with college in the fall. I would be able to help lessen the finanical burden on my parents.

Speaking of that, I’m going to apply for a million more bursaries. Anything I qualify for, I’m applying for. I somehow need to find the extra cash to buy a laptop, which I will most certainly need in college. I currently have a Compaq Presario. I can barely lift it, so I need something that’s very light weight but still really good for memory and all that high tech jazz. If you have any suggestions, let me know so I can inform the college.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to research the different kinds of bursaries the college offers and apply to all the ones I qualify for, then I’m going to go outside and enjoy the nice day!

Today I booked an appointment with the Student Advisers of my college to be for a tour, seeing as I was late for the open house they had and didn’t really get a chance to explore the school. During this tour I realized just how big and wide-spread the college really is, although the Student Adviser assured me that my classes would be in the same general area.

I wasn’t on this tour alone though, so I couldn’t really voice many of my questions about disability services. I suppose I’ll have to contact the disabilities office and book a seperate appointment. I’m also beginning to think I should meet with my new doctor at the new hospital long before I start school, that way I won’t miss any classes. Catching up in college would be a lot more difficult then catching up in high school. I find it slightly depressing that I don’t get to have an OT in college, I’m used to mine speaking for me and making sure that I have what I need in order to excell in school. I’m going to have to speak for myself here, and its slightly scary. I’m looking forward to being more independant, but it’s nerve racking at the same time because I’m afraid of leaving out something important or not being able to voice my concerns or needs loud enough to be heard.

Despite having to speak for myself and make sure I have what I need, I’m looking forward to college. It’s a new and exciting experience. I’ll be on my own for the first time (and who knows, maybe even the last). Plus theres always the exciting High Speed Wireless Internet to look forward to!

Last night I couldn’t sleep, I was so worried about what I was supposed to do about the whole college business. If something ways heavily on my mind, then the problem has to be solved soon or the longer I have to wait and think about it, the more anxious I get.

My dad was really hesitant on me even considering moving out for college. He was being really stubborn and kept saying that I’m his little girl and he doesn’t want to think of me going away to college. I don’t want to think of myself going away to college, but the fact of the matter is that I am. Living near the campus would relieve so much physical stress off me, and it will teach me how to budget and be more independent.

I think we’ve worn him down though, he knows that I will be able to excel better if I’m living near campus. I emailed the Housing Officer (a lady who helps you if you want to look for housing off campus) and she told me about how her daughters best friends parents were a really nice family and they had a basement apartment that they wanted to rent out to two non-smoking females, and that it would be the perfect location for me because its only a 15 minute walk to the campus and the bus stop is four doors down! So I called the lady and my parents and I are going to take a look at the apartment tomorrow evening. I’m hoping my dad won’t be too stubborn about out, and I’m really hoping that he doesn’t take too long to decide. I don’t want to loose the place to someone else because he took to long debating pros and cons.

I just finished writing the personal circumstance letter that I’m supposed to attach to my bursary request when I sent it in. I’m really hoping that I’ll get the bursary, because it would help us out a lot. I’ve always felt like a financial burden on my parents because unlike my sisters, I couldn’t work part time so my parents have had to pay for everything I need (such as clothes and shoes) or want (like entertainment). I also discovered that a lot of my medical expenses are not covered by OHIP. After surgeries, any physical aid (like a walker, wheelchair, or crutches) and pain medications come out of their pockets. Thats a lot of years of a lot of surgeries and a lot of money coming out of their pockets.

Last year, when my sister Kate was writing her letter for her bursary, she told me that you’re supposed to make it seem like you have it really rough and you can’t really afford college. I was just being truthful in mine. I tried to explain things clearly but I’m afraid that I might have sounded as if I was trying to milk it. The fact of the matter is that we do need the help that a bursary would offer.

If I get the Summer Student job, I’d work the entire summer (thats 11 weeks) 9-5pm, 7 days a week making roughly $10.50 (thats what my friend made last year when she had the job). In a single day, I should make about $84 (if my calculations are correct). $84 x 5 days a week is $420.00, and $420.00 x 11 weeks of summer is roughly $4620.00, give or take around a hundred dollars for deductions. If I lived near campus, I would have enough money to pay for my own groceries and my phone bill for 8 months, and that would leave me with about 500 or so dollars to spend on extra things – so mostly monthly bus tickets. I would be able to help my parents out in some way, so lets really hope I get the Summer Student job…

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about college. I know thats natural, but usually when someone thinks about college they’re all excited about it and can’t wait to start. My excitement has been replaced with a million fears, and I’m getting more anxious with each passing day. I have a million concerns regarding college, and I have no idea what to do. I’ve been co-oping every day for only 2 solid months, and my body is already wearing down. I’m tired. I’m not going to give up, but I’m tired. I think I’m losing some of my drive.

I’m torn between two choices; to commute to college and stay at home or to get a place somewhere very close to the college and not have to spend 80 minutes to an hour driving each day. I’m not super girl, and I know my body won’t be able to go non-stop for that long.

I’ve been co-oping 8 hours a day for the past two months, and will continue to do so until June, and it looks like I stand a very good chance getting Summer Student now. One of the people I work for said that I’m going into college, and I’m already at the office so it would be pointless for them to not hire me as a Summer Student. Plus I’m apparently good at what I do – hearing that is a relief, I thought no one noticed how hard I worked. But anyway, if I do get Summer Student, then I’ll be working full time solidly until September. A co-op placement is like a job, and since I do 4 period co-op its like I’m working full time. I’m there at 9 and I stay until 5 or later. My job as Summer Student would end when I go to college, so I would go directly from working full time to going to school full time.

My parents are expecting me to drive up to college everyday, even though I’ll only be able to get my G2 in October. So the second I get it I’ll have to drive…even though I won’t feel like I have the experience to take on a pretty dangerous highway in the bad weather that follows in November. Plus, I can already feel my body wearing out with just the idea of driving 80 minutes to an hour every single day.

I’ve never had a lot of energy, MHE seems to drain you of that. Energy is a luxury that I don’t have. I honestly don’t know how I get through each day, probably by my drive to get high school over with alone. But if I had to drive all the way to college, walk around campus all day and learn stuff, then drive home, I’m sure the first thing I would want to do is crash until the morning. I know my body, and I know I would be exhausted all the time if I did that. You can’t be exhausted in college, you have to be awake. You need to absorb the stuff they teach you in. You need time to do homework and time for a social life so you don’t go insane. If I did that, my body wouldn’t keep up with me. I know it wouldn’t.

So I was thinking about living off campus but close to the college. I’ve been looking at prices and stuff and it is more expensive then driving up, but at least I wouldn’t burn myself out. If I didn’t have to have that 80 minute to an hour commute each day, then my body might just be able to keep up with me. Whats the point of saving money by living at home if I can’t drive myself every single day? If my body fails me, then I’ll either flunk out of college or drop out. I can’t promise that won’t happen if I commute. So if I lived up near the college, then I would take a bus to college each day and cut my traveling time in half. I looked at places that were close enough to the campus that you could walk to if the weather was good enough.

But I’m torn because I don’t want to cost my parents any more money then I have too; but I want to ensure that my body can keep up with what I need it to do. I’m doubting myself because I know myself. I’m also torn because I’m currently seeing an amazing guy who seems to love me for me, despite all my – er, extras, and I’m scared of leaving him because I’m afraid what college will do to our already fairy-taleish relationship. So many couples that I know have broken up because of college; because of the distance. My only comfort is that we already have a long distance relationship, and he says that he won’t let us grow apart. Still though, I fear it, because you never really know. Good things turn bad in an instant; hearts break. Impossible things always happen, so even if he says its impossible, its still possible.

But the prospect of living on my own for a little while sounds exciting. I’ll get to be independant for the first time in my life. I’ve always felt like I’m more dependent on my parents much more then my sisters because of my MHE. I can’t find a job that my body can handle, so they have to foot the bill for my entertainment. It makes me feel guilty, but what am I supposed to do? I want to graduate high school, therefore I have to focus on getting all of my co-op hours. I know that my body, which is already exhausted, would not be able to handle working part time at some junky fast food place. Anyway, the prospect of life on my own, being dependent on only me, is thrilling. Scary, but thrilling. I’d have to buy my own groceries, cook my own food, clean my own “place”, and make my own rules.

The scales in my head keep changing on me. One minute, I’m overwhelmed by fears of all the bad stuff that could happen if I did live away from home, the next minute I’m thinking about all the stuff I know would happen if I pushed my body beyond its shallow limits. Then theres always the worry that my dad will put his foot down and say “You’re driving up.” Then what would I do? Knowing that I can’t drive up, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to handle the stress driving would put on my body?

Today on the drive home from co-op, my dad and I were discussing this years MHE Gathering and my possiblity of going. I told him how I haven’t seen Mandy in 5 five years – since our first meeting at Wheels Inn. He told me that I could plan something for this summer and he would make sure that it happened; it just has to be sensible. Although I’ve been a part of the Bumpy Bone Club for years now, I’ve never gone to an MHE Gathering, it’s always been too far away or we just didn’t have the time or money to go. I’ve also only ever met two people with MHE – Mandy and her mother – so it will be good meeting more people with MHE. It should be an interesting experience – if I ever get to go.

I also spoke about my fears of never being able to afford my own car. He told me that since they wouldn’t get anything for our current car if they wanted to trade it in for a new one, then I could probably just have it – free of charge. That takes a load off of my mind, as being able to afford a car has always been one of my biggest concerns. I know that I’ll never be able to work a normal “teenage” job because they are all shift work where you have to stand on your feet for hours on end, and I just can’t do that. If I did manage to grin and bear it, I still wouldn’t be able to work enough shifts to even consider buying a car in this lifetime, and I’ll need a car to get to college. Plus, who wants to wait until they’re 30 to buy their first car?

My dad let me drive up the driveway today, since I’ve finally got my G1. I’m a little slow on switching from the gas peddle to the break, and I imgaine that will take some getting used to. So I’ll have to keep practising in the driveway. But it’s a start! At first I was really nervous because I didn’t know if my ankle would lock up. I guess to ensure that it doesn’t happen I’ll have to keep practising and doing exercises to make sure I have full control over my ankle movements. Both my sisters had to worry about lead foot, so it’s no surprise that I totally have to worry about it.

And since I won’t be able to start college until September of 2008, I’ve decided that I’m going to search for a part time job I can physically [and emotionally] do. I’m going to give the go-ahead to my mom about the summer babysitting job she offered. At first I thought the idea was horrible - babysitting a 7 year old girl and a 10 year old boy has got to be wearing on your energy – but I decided if I carefully planned out our days and made sure they were packed full of entertaining things to do then I wouldn’t have a problem for it. On sunny days they could come instead over to my house and use the pool and do outdoor activities, and on rainy days we could stay inside and do various crafts or games. I have a PS2, so all I’ll have to do is place the boy in front of that if he doesn’t feel like doing crafts on those rainy days. Sounds good right? And I’ll be able to save up a little money!

Then I’ll look around for a suitable part time job for the school year that I won’t be going to school to save up more money, but I’ll worry about that after summer.

Since my post on “Expensive Thoughts“, I’ve been thinking a lot about my game plan for the future and what career I’m going to pursue after high school. Ever since I stated volunteering at Sunrise Youth Group, I’ve wanted to work with the developmentally challenged. There is just something about them, you won’t know what I’m talking about until you actually see for yourself so there’s no point in trying to explain it.

The ideas I’ve been looking into are; Educational Assistant, Human Services Counsellor (which I couldn’t find a description for), and a Child or Youth Worker. Those job descriptions have captured my interest for quite some time now, but lately I’ve been wondering about benefits. I need to choose a career that will be flexiable, and offer benefits. If it doesn’t offer benefits, would I be screwed over if I had to take time off for a surgery?

Of course when I went to the Guidence Counsellor, she told me that I really wouldn’t be able to base it on the jobs in themselves, but I’d have to consider where I would be working. Will I have a contract? Be a part of a union? Things like that.

I honestly don’t know why I’m so worried about all that financial crap, but I don’t want to waste all my dads money on schooling for a job that I can’t afford to take time off for surgeries. Surgeries aren’t always something I can put on the back burner for a time more convenient, sometimes it’s a now or never sort of deal.