I have stumbled across another blog, MY GIRL; a blog written by a mother for her daughter with MHE. This girl, named Daryl, is only going into grade eight and has already faced a lot of pretty heavy things. In October of 2006, she was hit by truck while crossing the road. On top of that, she just had surgery. Go send her some love. Take it from me, hearing messages from friends – or even kind words from strangers – after a surgery helps. Anita and Daryl are pretty new to the blogging world, so show them a warm welcome and show them how embarcing our online communties can be.

Finding people online blogging about the same thing as I do is always such a pleasure. It’s amazing having someone to relate to, to give advice to and receive advice from. It’s rather freshing. Truthfully, I sometimes feel so lonely and cut off from the world.

My feelings on MHE go either way; some days I embrace being different, other days I hate it and all I want is to fit into society’s idea of “normal”. I don’t want to have to think about doctor appointments, worry about troublesome bones, and feel tired all the time. I do have a message for every single person with MHE or any other kind of disorder, and that is this;

Some days we need to break down, just to pick ourselves up again. It’s good to cry and get out all that frustration and anger. Keeping it bottled up inside will eventually lead to worser problems. If you feel like your standing on the edge of a cliff with nobody there beside you, talk to someone. Vent a little. Buy a journal or diary, or even start a blog. It helps. It helps to cry, it helps to laugh. Accept who you are and accept the fact that nobody is perfect, we all have our problems in life and we’re all [truthfully] a little crazy. 

I know it’s harder said then done. I’m the sort of person to give out really good advice and when the time comes, not follow it. I will know what I should do but be unable to for some reason. I try though, and that’s the truth. I’ll be trying for the rest of my life, but thats ok. I know that there are good and bad things in everybody’s lives!

So Daryl, I hope you are recovering fast from the surgery you had on July 12th. I hope all went well. I know sometimes MHE can be rough on you, especially in high school – when it feels like everything is rough and totally unfair. But stick in there!

I apologize for not updating this blog in almost a month, I promise I will start posting more things after summer. I’ve been quite busy with work, and a number of things have happened since my last post.

• Clearly, I made it through the rest of the camping weekends. The last weekend was by far my favourite; it went swell and I had a lot of fun. I was able to relate more to my co-workers and let loose a little and relax (for the most part, it’s in my nature to stress myself out).
• On August 17th in the evening I will be moving most of my possessions to the apartment. On September 3rd I will be moving myself into the apartment, along with a weeks worth of food.
• The Family Night for our members and their families went swell! The turn out was wonderful and we even left with some extra money! A couple of people wanted to see two of the board members dunked in the dunk tank, and they paid $100! I chatted with a bunch of families and generally had a good time, although I was exhausted by the end of the night and had quite the headache thanks to the loud music and all the conversation!
• I was going to model. My sister, Kate, found a modeling agency called C&A Talent Agency and had her photo shoot a couple weeks ago. One of the agents convinced me I should model too; she said that my medical disability would not affect my turn over of jobs. I was to have my first photo shoot on August 20th, after my doctors appointment. However, I recently changed my mind. Modeling is not and has never been my thing. I can’t see myself doing it, especially now. I’m low on money and I will be moving away so I will undoubtedly miss auditions due to distance.
• I’ve decided on my camp costume. This years theme is Superheros, and I’m going to be The Green Countenance; my made up heroine who fights evil. I haven’t decided on her superpower yet, I’ll figure that out when I have the time. Elektra and for one day, Sailor Mars. The other female summer students are also being Sailor Moon people, so it should be mildly entertaining.
• Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer has been ordered for me by my lovely cousin, Karen! I recommend her other two books, Twilight and New Moon, to anybody who enjoys reading! Stephenie Meyer is by far one of my favourite authors.
• I read and finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling within two days of receiving it. It was amazing! I loved it! Now I’m depressed though, as it was the end of the Harry Potter series! Now what will I wait for eagerly each year? The crappy movies? Ok the movies aren’t that bad but I like the books way more!
• As I briefly mentioned above, August 20th I have an appointment with my new doctor. I’m nervous about meeting him, but it has to be done. Especially before school starts!
• I met with a college counselor and was able to set up a couple of much needed things to make my days go smoother; I will have a note-taker so I don’t need to take my own notes (writing for long periods of time hurts me) and I will have extended time on my exams if need be. Since it’s college, they don’t care if you leave early, so long as you do so discreetly.

There are only three more weeks of summer! The last week of August I will be away for the week long camp, and then on the 1st of September I have to go to Kings Cross Station to catch the Hogwarts Express my grandparent’s house for a family party, then I will move on the 3rd. It’s going to be a very busy and hectic time for me! Luckily I have the essentials set up; I have most of the kitchen supplies I need, all my bedroom things (except for the mattress topper which I’ll be picking up sometime this week) and my phone line is set up to be activated on September 3rd. The major things have been dealt with, so I’m not too anxious about it. I do have to get my bus pass though before the 4th – when I start my classes.

For those of you who celebrated Canada’s Day, I want to know what you did. Consider this another “delurking” task; tell me what you did on July 1st. I was at my boyfriend’s trailer with him and his family. We watched fireworks in the huge baseball field and then we watched more on the beach. The fireworks weren’t really spectacular, but I enjoyed it none the less. The people who hosted the fireworks even gave out cake that tasted really good.

Tomorrow I am back at work, so things might get crazy around here for a bit – or rather, dull. We have Wilderness Weekends for the next three weekends in a row, so it’s going to be crazy planning and organizing this week. I am going to work really really hard this weekend, considering last weekends attempt at really hard working didn’t work out too well. People still made jokes about the lack of work I was doing. So this weekend I am going to push myself more. I know I probably shouldn’t, but I need to feel like I belong. I have to feel like I’m a part of the team and that me being there is just as important as any of the other summer students being there. I am going to get a good nights rest and be there [at work] early. Maybe I’ll even get there before everyone else. I’d love to beat them all in and be sitting at the desk, already belonging.

Truthfully, I am nervous about going back. Things have undoubtedly changed. What if there isn’t any room for my ideas? What if they respect me less because I wanted a vacation? Actually, I didn’t really want a vacation, I just really needed it.

Ah well. I suppose this is how it’s always going to be in the work force. I’ll try to keep updating though! Don’t forget to delurk yourself and tell me what you did for Canada’s Day!

So my high school graduation ceremony was last night. I have to say it went beautifully. It was really nerve racking coming outside to see several bleachers full of friends, family and teachers. I almost died. I was fully able to picture myself falling flat on my face. Luckily, I didn’t.

I was deeply embarrassed halfway through the award part of the ceremony because I realized I wasn’t going to get an award. The few that I thought I would get ended up going to other people. So I stopped listening to the awards, and then guess what? I was called up to accept the Heather Rebeka Lodge Award that is awarded to a graduate student who worked hard and will be attending college in the fall despite obstacles. The obstacles they were talking about was the two surgeries I had last year that put me behind my classmates. Had I not taken co-op, I would be short two credits and I would not have graduated. Thanks to co-op, I was able to earn 2 extra credits and graduate with my classmates. I was award $200 which I put in the bank today.

Unfortunately thanks to co-oping all day, I missed out on having a social life. Most of my classmates enjoyed their last year of high school by attending several parties, going to school functions and just enjoying the high school life. I missed out on that. I was busy working. I missed out on one of the classmates finding a mouse in their pants, I missed out on several awesome get-togethers. I didn’t go prom camping, and I didn’t go to any of the Blue Jays games the popular kids put together because I wasn’t sure if I would feel weird or not.

The class valedictorian made me think about all the stuff I missed out on by giving her beautiful speech. I now feel guilty for assuming I would have a horrible year way back in September, because I could have made it better. Instead of making time for my old friends, I accepted the fact that they had changed. Ya, maybe a couple of them changed for the worst but I still could have joined in on the antics every once in a while. I could have made the new people to my old circle of friends feel included, I should have made my own friendships with them instead of assuming I had been replaced in that circle of friends. I should have skipped more classes, laughed more, attended more parties, gone to more school dances, and enjoyed it while I still could.

I sat through the Graduating Class Slideshow a bunch of people put together and almost started to cry. I missed out on knowing a lot of people. I was only in the slideshow twice myself, and I could have been in there more. Had I given myself the chance to fit in. I suppose you could say that I decided I was above silly high school antics, and in believing so I missed out on what could have been a really fun time of my life.

But that chapter of my life is over now, I have accepted my diploma from high school and in the fall I will be attending college. I’ve got everything set up; the cheques in the mail to secure my spot in the Social Service Worker Program and my first and last months rent has been paid for my apartment. I’ll be attending a Welcome Day in late July, and I’ll bring in all the stuff I need to get set up with Disability Services.

The tuition payment was supposed to be due today, but yesterday my dad and I drove up the college to explain our situation. The money had not come in yet; we were still waiting for the government to release it. They understood, and have given me until Friday of next week. Luckily, the money came in yesterday evening and the college will definietly have it by next Friday. My mom is planning on running it up Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday).

So everyone, I am no longer a high school student.

I don’t know what it is about the summer, but I never seem to need to eat a lot during the day when its hot. I like eating smaller things throughout the day. Instead of bigger, heavier meals I feel like salads and fruit.

I have decided I am going to eat better and exercise some, because I am apparently very lazy. I suppose I could get myself in shape, but that will be hard since I seem to lack energy 99.9% of the time. I’m thinking maybe if I was in better shape I would have more energy? Or if I ate better? Who knows. I just want to have more energy and I want to try anything that could possibly work.

Maybe I’ll go for a walk after I write this post. I have to mail a letter to Mandy anyway, and I’m sick of being online. I’ve been online since I got home at like 4pm. Something is wrong with that picture, I know. I’ve been busy exploring my college website, busy trying to figure out how to use my student emailing account. On July 23rd I am going to the Welcome Day, and I’ll find out more about Disability Services. The letter finally came in the mail from my old doctor from Sick Kids regarding the documention on my disorder we asked for months ago. So I will finally get that business out of the way.

Wednesday I start working with a developmentally disabled boy. We are going to the mall and catching a movie. This summer I’m going to work with him and get him familiar with taking public buses, also I’m going to take him on a tour of the college he wants to go to. My sister works in the Student Services office and could probably help me out with that one.

And this Thursday is my high school graduation ceremony. A few hours of listening to other people accept awards and I can boogy on out of high school forever! I am thinking about attending the after party for a couple of hours with my boyfriend, just to say goodbye to the people I have gone to school with for the past 6 years.

I have this entire week off, and the Canada day weekend as well. There are some things I have to do, like buy a new bathing suit even though I’m broke. I can’t go to Wilderness Weekends without a bathing suit, especially if we are going to spend an entire day at the beach swimming. I suppose I don’t really need one, I could go into the water in shorts and a t-shirt, but I would rather have a bathing suit.

I also think I’m going to start walking more. Walking down the drive way, down the street, around the block. Its a lot of walking, I live out in the middle of no where.

I’m gonna start walking now, and maybe I can talk my parents into buying fresh fruit.

Very shortly I will be leaving for work…since there is a club night tonight I get to go in later. I was hoping to spend the morning hanging out with my boyfriend, but his dad needed him to help with moving an organ piano.

I’m hoping the club night is a success, it all depends on how good myself and the other summer student I am doing this can work together. I’m sure it will turn out fine though.

This weekend is going to be so busy for me. I’ve yet to test out the inflatable mattresses we have in the garage! I can’t sleep unless I’m comfortable, so getting comfortable on the solid ground is going to be a challenge! I hope our inflatable mattresses don’t have any holes in them, that would suck. I don’t think we have the time or money to go out and buy a new one.

Set up crew will leave for the campsite Friday morning, and I will stay behind to supervise the going ons on the bus. I will collect med forms and basically sign people in. Its a heavy responsibility because of the med forms aren’t collected or someone has forgotten very important medication, then I’ll most likely be to blame. But its ok, I can handle the heat! Med forms are pretty straight forward!

What I am worried about is the activities for this weekend. Since we (the summer students) got a rough draft of an activity plan finished, we haven’t really focused on the finer details. When I get to work today I’m going to look through the beach bins (bins we bring to the beach full of beach stuff) to see if we have any buckets for the sand castle building contest and the beach relay. I’ve also never been to a Wilderness Weekend so I’m not too sure how they work, I just hear little things from co-workers. I am new to Wilderness Weekends. Last year, I had that double whammy of surgeries and really couldn’t have gone, I would have been more of a burden then a help. The first year I started volunteering I didn’t even hear about Wilderness Weekends. They weren’t really…advertised. So it should be an adventure!

My to-do list is growing more each day, but I’m glad about it. For too long I had nothing good to do with my time and I was bored out of my mind! I’m the kind of person who can’t not do something. I used to love being alone because then I could do whatever I wanted – that usually consisted of going online or reading a really good book. I still like doing those things, but I dislike being alone. I’m a weirdo.

Any who, I don’t know if I’ll be able to update again until Monday after the camping trip (I’m sort of stressed for time) but my next update should be pretty interesting…what with it being about how my body likes camping and all that (I can predict where this is going.)

Today I booked an appointment with the Student Advisers of my college to be for a tour, seeing as I was late for the open house they had and didn’t really get a chance to explore the school. During this tour I realized just how big and wide-spread the college really is, although the Student Adviser assured me that my classes would be in the same general area.

I wasn’t on this tour alone though, so I couldn’t really voice many of my questions about disability services. I suppose I’ll have to contact the disabilities office and book a seperate appointment. I’m also beginning to think I should meet with my new doctor at the new hospital long before I start school, that way I won’t miss any classes. Catching up in college would be a lot more difficult then catching up in high school. I find it slightly depressing that I don’t get to have an OT in college, I’m used to mine speaking for me and making sure that I have what I need in order to excell in school. I’m going to have to speak for myself here, and its slightly scary. I’m looking forward to being more independant, but it’s nerve racking at the same time because I’m afraid of leaving out something important or not being able to voice my concerns or needs loud enough to be heard.

Despite having to speak for myself and make sure I have what I need, I’m looking forward to college. It’s a new and exciting experience. I’ll be on my own for the first time (and who knows, maybe even the last). Plus theres always the exciting High Speed Wireless Internet to look forward to!

A while ago, I requested a review for this blog over at So Many Blogs, So Little Time. I really couldn’t believe I got such an awesome review, 8 out of 10 is really good – in my opinion anyway. I’m not going to get all egotistic about it, don’t worry.

I think the best part of the review (in my opinion anyway) was how Diva Dee was able to know who I am from reading my blog. Thats what I was aiming for; was something so personal it would feel like my readers knew me and everything I’ve been through. I wanted this so that other teens with disorders – whether its the one I have or a different one – would feel like they knew me on a personal note.

So thanks Diva Dee, for reviewing my blog and having such a nice opinion of me.

The interview went alright, or at least I think so. One of the questions was “what is your weakness and how do you think it would affect you at Sunrise?”. Obviously my weakness is being weak; I am not able to help the wheelchair members because I can’t physically lift them, I also am not supposed to because I could harm myself as well as the member. I’m hoping that this won’t affect anything though, because my only weakness is weakness – and extra bones. I can deal with the lack of energy, I’ve been living off of shear will power for weeks now. I’m glad the interview went okay but I’m still a little insecure about the outcome. They could easily find someone better then me to do the job.

I have to wait a week or so until interviews are over before I found out if I got or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

Today on the drive home from co-op, my dad and I were discussing this years MHE Gathering and my possiblity of going. I told him how I haven’t seen Mandy in 5 five years – since our first meeting at Wheels Inn. He told me that I could plan something for this summer and he would make sure that it happened; it just has to be sensible. Although I’ve been a part of the Bumpy Bone Club for years now, I’ve never gone to an MHE Gathering, it’s always been too far away or we just didn’t have the time or money to go. I’ve also only ever met two people with MHE – Mandy and her mother – so it will be good meeting more people with MHE. It should be an interesting experience – if I ever get to go.

I also spoke about my fears of never being able to afford my own car. He told me that since they wouldn’t get anything for our current car if they wanted to trade it in for a new one, then I could probably just have it – free of charge. That takes a load off of my mind, as being able to afford a car has always been one of my biggest concerns. I know that I’ll never be able to work a normal “teenage” job because they are all shift work where you have to stand on your feet for hours on end, and I just can’t do that. If I did manage to grin and bear it, I still wouldn’t be able to work enough shifts to even consider buying a car in this lifetime, and I’ll need a car to get to college. Plus, who wants to wait until they’re 30 to buy their first car?

My dad let me drive up the driveway today, since I’ve finally got my G1. I’m a little slow on switching from the gas peddle to the break, and I imgaine that will take some getting used to. So I’ll have to keep practising in the driveway. But it’s a start! At first I was really nervous because I didn’t know if my ankle would lock up. I guess to ensure that it doesn’t happen I’ll have to keep practising and doing exercises to make sure I have full control over my ankle movements. Both my sisters had to worry about lead foot, so it’s no surprise that I totally have to worry about it.

And since I won’t be able to start college until September of 2008, I’ve decided that I’m going to search for a part time job I can physically [and emotionally] do. I’m going to give the go-ahead to my mom about the summer babysitting job she offered. At first I thought the idea was horrible - babysitting a 7 year old girl and a 10 year old boy has got to be wearing on your energy – but I decided if I carefully planned out our days and made sure they were packed full of entertaining things to do then I wouldn’t have a problem for it. On sunny days they could come instead over to my house and use the pool and do outdoor activities, and on rainy days we could stay inside and do various crafts or games. I have a PS2, so all I’ll have to do is place the boy in front of that if he doesn’t feel like doing crafts on those rainy days. Sounds good right? And I’ll be able to save up a little money!

Then I’ll look around for a suitable part time job for the school year that I won’t be going to school to save up more money, but I’ll worry about that after summer.