My job is stressing me out. It’s crunch time; only two more weeks left and the last week will be a 6 day camping trip. I’m cranky, I’m exhausted, and I’m not happy. I love my job, I just dislike the politics and drama. Planning events and recruiting volunteers is fun; I get paid to camp, how awesome is that? But there are people on my team who would like everything to be done their way, and that’s just not how a team works. There are people on my team who don’t listen to my opinions, my suggestions, my needs.

For instance, putting me on the wheelchair bus is a bad idea. I am physically unable to lift the wheelchair members without hurting myself or more importantly, them. If something bad happens during the seven hour long bus ride up to camp, I will not be of any help. I’m supposed to be the staff member on the bus. This does not make sense to me. I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing my own physical limits.

I spoke to my boss, and he sees my point. Finally. I wouldn’t have gone to my boss had the person who made the bus assignments listened to me when I pointed that out. Instead, he argued with me saying nothing would happen and I would not have to lift a wheelchair member at all during the trip. However, he can’t grantee that, and technically the rule is when lifting someone in a wheelchair you must have a staff with you, so I couldn’t tell two volunteers to do it either. Because it isn’t safe. I know how to do wheelchair lifts, but I physically cannot. If someones safety wasn’t potentially at risk, I wouldn’t say a thing.

It’s irritating me how my medical disability is holding me back from so much. This is the field I wish to work in, yet I’m unable to do a wheelchair lift. I’m working on it, and training to do it in ways where I would not hurt myself at all. I’m not a very strong person, and my bones aren’t very strong either. I never understood that aspect about MHE; you have a lot of bones but their fragile, or at least mine are. That’s no fun. Where’s the use in that?

The important thing is that I am working on finding ways around my MHE. I now know my physical limits, and I won’t push myself to do something that could result in jeopardising the safety of someone else and myself. I’m not an idiot. I won’t allow that to happen. I’m not only speaking about the now, but also about in the future. I won’t do stupid things to satisfy co-workers. It just ain’t gonna happen. My word – when it comes to my physical limits and health – is law.

I wasn’t so smart before. I used to push myself to do things to satisfy other people. When I worked at Tim Hortons, I ended up hurting myself really badly several times trying to satisfy my bosses and co-workers. I couldn’t lift the cream bag to change it without hurting myself, but I knew my co-workers were sick of doing it for me. They didn’t know why they were doing it for me, they just thought I was lazy. So one day I did it myself. I ended up dropping it on the floor after hurting my wrist really badly. I also fractured my ankle at school. It was Track and Field day and the teachers were notified that I couldn’t participate in the event. They told me to volunteer at the Shot Put game and pick up the really heavy balls. I ended up fracturing my ankle in one of the holes that the really heavy ball left. All these things (and more) happened because I didn’t speak up.

So from now on I will.

I apologize for not updating this blog in almost a month, I promise I will start posting more things after summer. I’ve been quite busy with work, and a number of things have happened since my last post.

• Clearly, I made it through the rest of the camping weekends. The last weekend was by far my favourite; it went swell and I had a lot of fun. I was able to relate more to my co-workers and let loose a little and relax (for the most part, it’s in my nature to stress myself out).
• On August 17th in the evening I will be moving most of my possessions to the apartment. On September 3rd I will be moving myself into the apartment, along with a weeks worth of food.
• The Family Night for our members and their families went swell! The turn out was wonderful and we even left with some extra money! A couple of people wanted to see two of the board members dunked in the dunk tank, and they paid $100! I chatted with a bunch of families and generally had a good time, although I was exhausted by the end of the night and had quite the headache thanks to the loud music and all the conversation!
• I was going to model. My sister, Kate, found a modeling agency called C&A Talent Agency and had her photo shoot a couple weeks ago. One of the agents convinced me I should model too; she said that my medical disability would not affect my turn over of jobs. I was to have my first photo shoot on August 20th, after my doctors appointment. However, I recently changed my mind. Modeling is not and has never been my thing. I can’t see myself doing it, especially now. I’m low on money and I will be moving away so I will undoubtedly miss auditions due to distance.
• I’ve decided on my camp costume. This years theme is Superheros, and I’m going to be The Green Countenance; my made up heroine who fights evil. I haven’t decided on her superpower yet, I’ll figure that out when I have the time. Elektra and for one day, Sailor Mars. The other female summer students are also being Sailor Moon people, so it should be mildly entertaining.
• Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer has been ordered for me by my lovely cousin, Karen! I recommend her other two books, Twilight and New Moon, to anybody who enjoys reading! Stephenie Meyer is by far one of my favourite authors.
• I read and finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling within two days of receiving it. It was amazing! I loved it! Now I’m depressed though, as it was the end of the Harry Potter series! Now what will I wait for eagerly each year? The crappy movies? Ok the movies aren’t that bad but I like the books way more!
• As I briefly mentioned above, August 20th I have an appointment with my new doctor. I’m nervous about meeting him, but it has to be done. Especially before school starts!
• I met with a college counselor and was able to set up a couple of much needed things to make my days go smoother; I will have a note-taker so I don’t need to take my own notes (writing for long periods of time hurts me) and I will have extended time on my exams if need be. Since it’s college, they don’t care if you leave early, so long as you do so discreetly.

There are only three more weeks of summer! The last week of August I will be away for the week long camp, and then on the 1st of September I have to go to Kings Cross Station to catch the Hogwarts Express my grandparent’s house for a family party, then I will move on the 3rd. It’s going to be a very busy and hectic time for me! Luckily I have the essentials set up; I have most of the kitchen supplies I need, all my bedroom things (except for the mattress topper which I’ll be picking up sometime this week) and my phone line is set up to be activated on September 3rd. The major things have been dealt with, so I’m not too anxious about it. I do have to get my bus pass though before the 4th – when I start my classes.

I never thought I would make it to the final camping weekend. I was almost 99.9% sure I would die of exhaustion, stress, and anger before I saw today. Luckily I didn’t, I’m still alive and kicking. I don’t know if I will be after the weekend, ask me on Sunday.

Last weekend was absolutely horrible. It rained the entire day on Saturday, and my body ached so bad I couldn’t even move. I had to keep going into my tent and trying to stay out of the cold and rain and get warm. I think I pissed off my boss and co-workers but I really didn’t care, I could barely move. Kate says its my fault for taking on a job I “couldn’t handle”.

Anyways, I quit my second job; which was working with a boy who has a developmental delay. I believe I put too much on my plate and just wasn’t able to handle it. Thats alright though, I’ve lessened the load and now I shouldn’t be too stressed out!

In other news, Harry Potter 5 comes out tomorrow. I’m pumped but slightly depressed since I won’t get to get it until Monday since I am camping and since I have a college tour that day anyway.

For those of you who celebrated Canada’s Day, I want to know what you did. Consider this another “delurking” task; tell me what you did on July 1st. I was at my boyfriend’s trailer with him and his family. We watched fireworks in the huge baseball field and then we watched more on the beach. The fireworks weren’t really spectacular, but I enjoyed it none the less. The people who hosted the fireworks even gave out cake that tasted really good.

Tomorrow I am back at work, so things might get crazy around here for a bit – or rather, dull. We have Wilderness Weekends for the next three weekends in a row, so it’s going to be crazy planning and organizing this week. I am going to work really really hard this weekend, considering last weekends attempt at really hard working didn’t work out too well. People still made jokes about the lack of work I was doing. So this weekend I am going to push myself more. I know I probably shouldn’t, but I need to feel like I belong. I have to feel like I’m a part of the team and that me being there is just as important as any of the other summer students being there. I am going to get a good nights rest and be there [at work] early. Maybe I’ll even get there before everyone else. I’d love to beat them all in and be sitting at the desk, already belonging.

Truthfully, I am nervous about going back. Things have undoubtedly changed. What if there isn’t any room for my ideas? What if they respect me less because I wanted a vacation? Actually, I didn’t really want a vacation, I just really needed it.

Ah well. I suppose this is how it’s always going to be in the work force. I’ll try to keep updating though! Don’t forget to delurk yourself and tell me what you did for Canada’s Day!

My first ever Wilderness Weekend was this weekend. My head is still pounding. Needless to say, I am glad its over. It didn’t go bad presay, I mean for the members at least. They seemed to have fun, so did everyone else. It was me who didn’t have a lot of fun.

It wasn’t the sleeping on the ground, that wasn’t too bad actually. Dad picked me up a rather expensive self inflatable mattress that allowed me to get a couple hours of sleep. I was still pretty worn out though – its hard work. I honestly wasn’t expecting it to be such long, difficult days. Feeding 30 people and making sure they are all happy is hard, especially when two board members are there judging us.

Also, other volunteers don’t listen to me. Nobody really does. I got a lot of questions as to why I’m a Summer Student. One of the volunteers (who happens to be dating one of my co-workers) even made a casual “joke” about the difference between “working and getting paid.” It seems like the entire weekend was a joke on my behalf. Jessica isn’t good at this, or she’s not doing that.

What really irritates me is the fact that we are understanding of our members needs and limits, but not volunteers. I was a volunteer, and I am now a staff. People still don’t understand that I have a medical condition that limits my mobility and affects my strength. It may appear that I am being lazy, but I’m not. I work as hard as my body will let me, and as much as I would hate to admit it, its not as hard as other people can work. I find people got annoyed with me because I couldn’t help load the van and I wasn’t much help with taking down the dining shelter. They should know. They should understand. But they don’t.

If you have MHE, then you know that if you have it “bad enough”, then working is hard. As I’ve previously mentioned, MHE affects your mobility and limits your strength, so working is difficult. I work at a place were I’m on my feet running around all day long. It’s recreational stuff, programming and what not. It’s hard, especially when you have volunteers who are lazy and don’t want to help out even though they can. It’s harder still when nobody listens to you because they don’t hold a lot of respect for you because they think you too are lazy and not working hard enough.

I don’t know how much longer I can take being dictated to and bossed around by people who are at the same level of position as I am. I don’t give a pooh about them “being there longer” or “being older” then I am. Sunrise is supposed to be a happy place where nobody judges. Volunteers do nothing but judge. Actually, so do most co-workers and board members.

Three more camping weekends, then one more week long camping trip.

Very shortly I will be leaving for work…since there is a club night tonight I get to go in later. I was hoping to spend the morning hanging out with my boyfriend, but his dad needed him to help with moving an organ piano.

I’m hoping the club night is a success, it all depends on how good myself and the other summer student I am doing this can work together. I’m sure it will turn out fine though.

This weekend is going to be so busy for me. I’ve yet to test out the inflatable mattresses we have in the garage! I can’t sleep unless I’m comfortable, so getting comfortable on the solid ground is going to be a challenge! I hope our inflatable mattresses don’t have any holes in them, that would suck. I don’t think we have the time or money to go out and buy a new one.

Set up crew will leave for the campsite Friday morning, and I will stay behind to supervise the going ons on the bus. I will collect med forms and basically sign people in. Its a heavy responsibility because of the med forms aren’t collected or someone has forgotten very important medication, then I’ll most likely be to blame. But its ok, I can handle the heat! Med forms are pretty straight forward!

What I am worried about is the activities for this weekend. Since we (the summer students) got a rough draft of an activity plan finished, we haven’t really focused on the finer details. When I get to work today I’m going to look through the beach bins (bins we bring to the beach full of beach stuff) to see if we have any buckets for the sand castle building contest and the beach relay. I’ve also never been to a Wilderness Weekend so I’m not too sure how they work, I just hear little things from co-workers. I am new to Wilderness Weekends. Last year, I had that double whammy of surgeries and really couldn’t have gone, I would have been more of a burden then a help. The first year I started volunteering I didn’t even hear about Wilderness Weekends. They weren’t really…advertised. So it should be an adventure!

My to-do list is growing more each day, but I’m glad about it. For too long I had nothing good to do with my time and I was bored out of my mind! I’m the kind of person who can’t not do something. I used to love being alone because then I could do whatever I wanted – that usually consisted of going online or reading a really good book. I still like doing those things, but I dislike being alone. I’m a weirdo.

Any who, I don’t know if I’ll be able to update again until Monday after the camping trip (I’m sort of stressed for time) but my next update should be pretty interesting…what with it being about how my body likes camping and all that (I can predict where this is going.)

Have you ever had one of those weekends so full of ups and downs it felt like you were a part of a really bad soap opera that over dramatized everything? Ya. I just had one of those weekends.

Friday was a good day for me; it was my birthday, how could it have sucked? I spent it with my family and got cool presents. Saturday was a pretty decent day, I took the Non-Violent Crisis Intervention Course through work and learned a lot of valuable things. I also helped set up the dinning shelters for camp to see if we had all the pieces. Sunday was a completely different story. I was planning on going for the perfect birthday weekend where nothing goes wrong and you’re just generally happy to have reached the age of 18. I am still generally happy about being alive, but I’m completely bummed out at the same time.

Early on Sunday morning, Father’s Day, my beloved dog passed away. Shadow had been a part of our family for 8 years, and saying goodbye was so difficult. He was a major part of our lives, and I already miss every little thing about him. I miss him coming into the kitchen to bug me for a slice of cheese every time I opened the refrigerator, I miss him barking loudly every time I come home, I miss him sighing from boredom when my mom and I are on the computers instead of paying him attention, and I miss seeing him waiting at the top of the drive when we come home. That’s just a quick list of things I miss about him, the things I notice more now that he’s gone. The only good thing I have to say on that matter was that it was a quick death. I’m assuming his heart gave out as my Dad saw him in Kate’s room breathing rather heavily and tried to get him to come upstairs but he wouldn’t. Dad then went upstairs to put on a pot of coffee and by the time he came back down to check on Shadow, he had moved to the part of the hallway in front of my bedroom door and my parent’s bedroom door and died.

So Sunday really sucked for me. I was in bed completely out of sorts. I know he was a dog and to a lot of people who wouldn’t understand, there are worse things that could happen – and I am sure that’s true. But keep in mind that Shadow was a very important part of our family. He was one of us. I’m going to miss him a lot.

Monday afternoon I finally made my way down to my grandparents house. I was supposed to go on the Sunday but I didn’t feel up to it. Papa’s health seems ok; he’s progressing at the expected speed of someone who has just had triple bypass surgery. He seems depressed though, but I read online and have been told that its related to having heart surgery and it will pass when he starts feeling like his normal self. I agree with that. Papa has always been the kind of man who has to keep busy, or else he feels useless. Plus there isn’t a lot for him to do around the house.

Papa isn’t feeling up enough to coming to my Commencement on the 28th of June, as the car ride is a long one and he would have to sit outside for a couple hours – he could catch a chill. I don’t want him getting sick over seeing a silly ceremony that is very predictable anyway. He’s seen Shannon’s and Kate’s, he knows how it works. Besides, we will take lots of pictures and he will get to miss all the boring speeches! Lucky guy!

I start work tomorrow, I mean actual work, getting paid for the hours I put in. I got all of my co-op hours on Friday and sent in all of the co-op papers, so I’m now officially done with co-op. I’m an official employee, getting paid. We leave on Friday at 5pm for camp, and won’t get back until 3:30pm on Sunday. For a while, I was just going to get volunteer hours, but luckily my boss decided to put me on the payroll for that. Camp is going to be very hectic and stressful, and it will be good getting paid to sleep on a very hard ground and probably throw my body out of whack. It’s going to be interesting to see how my body reacts to sleeping in a tent, as I’ve never done it before. I’ll have to do it for 3 weekends in a row in July!

Well I’m off to read and get an early sleep, and perhaps think of some alibis for the Murder Mystery Club Night I’m helping run tomorrow.

P.S. I am a little worried that I lost all the readers I had before when I wasn’t posting a lot, so please if you are reading comment me so I know you’re still reading!

I am really sorry for the lack of updates as of lately! I just get so busy during my day, and I have honestly not been home lately. I also have trouble finding specific things related to my disorder to talk about…considering my every day life isn’t wrapped around my medical condition. For the most part anyway, I try not to let it control my life and dictate what I can and can’t do – but sometimes it does and then I just have to ignore it!

So much as happened, and I have a lot of updates to share with everyone. I shall have to resort to using bullets!

• June 1st was my prom; I have to admit it wasn’t as fun as I was hoping it would be. My legs were killing me from a SYG dance the night before and from the new shoes I was wearing. I did look very nice, if I say so myself.
• After prom I went to my boyfriend’s trailer with him and his family for the weekend. It was lovely and the weather was beautiful; we went swimming several times. I had far more fun there then I would have had at the camping trip my peers put together. I actually like my boyfriend and his family, so that’s probably why.
• The end of May/early June was a stressful, scary time. My Papa went to Kingston General Hospital to have Triple Bypass Surgery. He’s home now, and my mom is currently helping my grandma out. Papa seems to be doing very well – thank God – and I hope to visit him soon!
• Tomorrow if I work 8 hours then I will have completed my required co-op hours to graduate. I will have 660.57 hours. I plan on going in half an hour early too, just to boost the number up.
• Because I am finishing co-op earlier then to be expected, my boss is allowing me to take Monday and Tuesday off to visit my Papa at his home. He would also allow me to take the Wednesday off, but I promised a co-worker I would help him run a Murder Mystery club night on Wednesday. Thursday I am back at work only I will be getting paid for it! Which is a good thing, considering Thursday I will be doing a lot of work; Friday head out to a provincial park to camp for the weekend with 14 of our recreational members. Its going to be hectic!
• Because of my medical condition, I am not joining the other Summer Students when they go up to camp a day early to set up. Setting up tents and dinner shelters is too much for my body, so someone else is going up instead. My job will be to stay at the building and collect medication, take attendance when people get on the bus, and basically be in charge of people for the hour long bus ride. I’m positive I can do it, but I’m slightly nervous. It’s a lot of responsibility – especially meds! If I mess up on forms for meds, I will most likely get fired. But no worries! I won’t mess up!
• My work is offering really interesting courses such as Behaviour Management and Non-Violent Crisis Intervention – free of charge or completely cheap! I attended the Behaviour Management class today and learned a lot about PDD and the particular behaviours and how to stop outbursts from happening, it was awesome!

All those little updates aside, I have something that is burning on my mind and will surely result in lots of posts on this here blog. I’m having a slight conflict with one of the people I work with. I’m trying not to let that cloud my opinion of them, but the amount of “evidence” that is piling up that they just don’t like me is impossible to ignore. Obviously, when you feel as if your co-worker(s) don’t like you, your performance goes down hill. I’m not sure why, but it does. I’m hoping it will blow over and things will change, but I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t let office issues cloud my working ability, so I’m going to try not to. But I have a feeling its going to be an interesting summer.

I have been busy again. I know, thats no excuse. I should make time for the things I promised to do. This blog was one of them. I told myself I would update it at least once a week, but lately things have been busy and crazy and I just haven’t even had a chance to think about what I would tell people reading this blog. Not to mention, my browser has been giving me a lot of trouble lately. It rarely loads things, and on those rare times it does its done in a painfully slow fashion that leaves me clenching my teeth and counting down the days until I move up North. I will finally have a broadband connection! I am excited! I will be able to sign up for Youtube and watch the videos!

Anyway, I have been working really hard. The other University Students have started, and I find myself worker harder then before to not be outshined. One of the University Students has been a volunteer at Sunrise 9 years now, and she seems to have all the answers and good ideas. For the most part, we get along great…but sometimes she gets on my nerves by acting a little superior. For instance, one of our job requirements is to go to local high schools to recruit volunteers. During one of the trips I was checking my phone to see what time it was because she wanted to know. I had to exit the text message my sister had sent me saying she would pick me up in order to do so, and she said “I would rather you didn’t do that while we are supposed to be working.” I asked simply told her I was checking the time and couldn’t do so if the “text message from Kate” screen was up, and she backed off a bit.

I honestly don’t think I could ever be in a drama free environment. My feathers are always being ruffled about something – I’m a sensitive person and I sometimes let things get to me when they shouldn’t. So I try not to approach things in that way.

Other then the occasional feather ruffle, work has been pretty good. We’ve gotten a lot accomplished. There is a lot of work that has to be done; such as taking all 50 odd bins down and cleaning out whats inside, setting up the tents to see if they work, recruiting volunteers and running the orientation this Tuesday, running a Fun Friday day program, and planning all the little details of camp.

I’m also hoping to take on another job. A woman from a town close to mine is looking for a worker for her son. From what I hear, he has slight brain damage from the car accident he was in when he was 6. He is 15 now and needs a worker 3 nights a week for 3 hours, I think it pays 15 bucks an hour. So that’s an extra $135 in my pocket. The only catch is that she wants someone who has a license and access to a car. My boss sent her an email saying I would be great for the job, but that I didn’t have a G2 or car. I suppose I’ll hear back on Monday with what she had to say to that.

My high school prom is this Friday. I pick up my dress tomorrow to see if the alternations we had made fit properly. My boyfriend, Neil, has already gotten his suit and I picked out a couple of ties that may or may not match my dress. I am supposed to pick up my prom tickets on Tuesday after my ultrasound appointment.

Oh yes, I forgot that I haven’t mentioned that. Well since my stomach has been acting up lately – on and off apparently – I finally decided to go to the doctors. He recommended taking some kind of anti acid and going to have an ultrasound done. But since I pretty much know whats wrong, I’ve stopped taking the questionable medicine that made me pass out at work almost. Remember now, I hate medication that makes me feel different in a bad way, so I will refuse to take it. I don’t care if he said I had to try it for however many days.

Well I wish I could continue updating but I had no idea so much has happened since the 12 of May, and I must continue tomorrow as I really need some sleep. I promise to give my few readers out there more!

So yesterday was a totally awesome day. For starters I got to go swimming and recieve co-op hours to do so! Danny is starting to take the members who have memberships to the local pool swimming once a week, and I get to go with him every time because again the more staff they have the more members they can take! It was a lot of fun, the water was really warm. My bathing suit did cause me some aches but all girl bathing suits do. I solved the problem by wearing guy swim trunks and Danny’s t-shirt (I didn’t expect my top to malfunction but it did).

After we got back to the building and after the members had all left, Danny, Janice (two members of the Day Staff) and I were all standing in the lodge talking about the weird lifeguard that was hitting on me (he told me I was really admirable for “doing what I did” – I guess he meant volunteering at Sunrise) and then Greg (the Program Director) called me into the board room where he was meeting with Alyson. Then guess what happened? They formally asked me to be a part of their summer team! I was so excited! I said yes right away and was told we’ll work out the whole co-op hours/when I start thing later on, and today Greg and I decided I would start getting paid on July 3rd. It gives me a couple of days after I get all my co-op hours to have a bit of a vacation. I want to see if I can see Mandy and go somewhere cool to hang out. The last time I saw her was in grade seven, so I’m hoping we’ll be able to get something going.

But yeah, I officially have a job as the Summer Student at Sunrise!! I’m mad excited!