I’ve been meaning to blog about this issue for quite some time, but I’ve been having trouble wording it. Let’s face it; relationships are a big part of growing up, and high school is where most of these relationships are formed. Whether they last forever or just a year, they still impact our lives greatly.
Unfortunately, high school is also were complexes are formed. I know I’ve mentioned before that I’m insecure about my body, and that complex was formed at a young age. Kids are cruel, let’s face it. Sometimes, even adults can be cruel. Ignorance is a barrier in every language, and it doesn’t matter how old you get because there’s always going to be someone out there who’s ignorant enough to judge you or be rude to you. The key is to know that they’re ignorant, and not pay them any attention. It’s easier said then done, I know.
When I was daring enough to wear shorts to school during those hot, summer days in public school, I had a couple of boys pick on me practically non stop. They’d ask me – always very rudely – why my legs we’re crocked. They’d smirk and say it with disgust. Had they known more insults other then “Disease Girl”, I’m sure they would have thrown them at me.
In middle school, I wanted to not care about what other people thought about me. It didn’t work out that way though, and I ended up hiding behind layers and layers of clothes. It took me a lot of courage to wear a spaghetti strap dress to my grade eight graduation, and I only did it because I didn’t want to look like a grandma. I knew that people would already be staring at me, as I would have to hobble up to the stage to accept my diploma on crutches. I had just had a major surgery on my leg, and it was lucky that I was able to use crutches. My doctor thought it was very possible that I’d be accepting my diploma in from a wheelchair.
That wasn’t the case though, and thus began a long battle of my body issue: whether to expose my arms and legs or to hide them beneath layers of clothes. Some days, I’m all for wearing t-shirts, but other days I wrap myself up in a sweater. Even if it’s boiling hot in the classroom, I won’t take off the sweater on those days. I dislike it when people ask me about my scars, because it’s awkward. It really is such a long story, and I feel so naked when explaining it. One always feels emotionally exposed when talking about their insecurities, so this is no surprise.
I didn’t have any boyfriends in middle school. My peers knew me as the “hospital girl”, and nobody was interested in me – that I knew of anyway. They knew that I was often in the hospital having surgeries, and at that age they chose to not get involved with me.
Throughout my early years at high school, I had insignificant “relationships” with guys from different schools. These “relationships” didn’t last longer than a week; I was too uncomfortable with myself to have a boyfriend. In grade eleven, I had my first “serious” relationship. It lasted only a couple months, but I grew close to the guy and I really liked him – or so I thought anyway. After he broke up with me, he came online and told me my “bone thing was disgusting” and that it was one of the main reasons he dumped me. It hurt at the time, but it doesn’t.
Now though, I’m past all that. I know now that you don’t need a guy to feel good about yourself, you should be able to do that long before you get a boyfriend – or girlfriend. What makes you the happiest is being comfortable in your own skin. I’m not saying I’m completely comfortable in my own skin, but I’m definitely getting there. My semi formal is tonight, and I’m wearing a strapless dress. Two years ago, I wouldn’t go near a strapless dress if my life depended on me. I’ve almost done a complete 180 around how I used to feel about myself….almost. With every passing day, I learn more and I’m able to trust myself just a little bit more.
Happiness is how you perceive things, and in how you perceive yourself.